ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
