Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I met the friendliest cop last night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
