i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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