I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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