I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
