I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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