Your face is a jimmy john
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
