Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
