He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
