Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
