I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
