you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
