All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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