i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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