everyone is single if you try hard enough
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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