In the future we'll all be gay
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
