My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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