Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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