I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
