I haven't been this sober since birth.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
