I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
