Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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