I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
