true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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