I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
