Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
