You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
