she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
