You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
