you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
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My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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