i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think your dad took our porno
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
