She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
NoShamevember. You game?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize