it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
