I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
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walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
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Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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