It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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