thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
