Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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