Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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