How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
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