Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
