im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
