So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He better not be in your backpack
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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