Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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