cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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