woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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