there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
