there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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