Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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