it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Never joke about your clitoris.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
