It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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