So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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