What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
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How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
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You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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