Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
