i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
