So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
