I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
