Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
