Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
