I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
