Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
