If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
this hospital has no fireball
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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