the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
