Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
