We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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