Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
