i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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