Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
