dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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