I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize