Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
