don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Let's get the cat blown out
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
