My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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