my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
