He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
