I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
