i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
