hell yes lets make some ravioli
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
