I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
